Question

I literally just need someone to edit this and see if it's a good introductory paragraph for an argumentive essay on whether or not discrimination against LGBT youth can be deadly.

American L.G.B.T. people have experienced many problems that jeopardize their short-term and long-term health, whether it be by social, economic, or medical standards. The research shows that the result of culture and of politics caused this community to be treated as lesser human beings, especially the youth of the community. America has an elephant in the room, especially when statistics show that L.G.B.T. youth are more likely to attempt or commit suicide than heterosexual youth due to discrimination. This discrimination against queer youth can be deadly because it can lead to a lack of parental care, higher risk of mental health issues, and suicide.

Answer 1

☻ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hello! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ☻

➳ This intro is really good and I think it's an amazing topic to talk about! I would remove the "of" before the politics because you already said "of culture".

~ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ᴛʜɪꜱ ʜᴇʟᴘꜱ! :) ♡

~ ᴄʟᴏᴜᴛᴀɴꜱᴡᴇʀꜱ ♡

Answer 2

✽ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ~Hello There!~ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ✽

➷ Remove the 'of' before politics and add a 'has' after the word politics. The only thing I can think of to improve this is to actually throw in a statistic when you are talking about the suicide rates.

➶ Hope This Helps You!

➶ Good Luck (:

➶ Have A Great Day ^-^

↬ ʜᴀɴɴᴀʜ ♡