Question

This is an essay I'm writing would anyone mind reading the intro?

it's about making abortion illegal..

Koch uses support from other sources to help show the indifference of changing the abortion law when he says, "in Uruguay, 33,000 abortions per year were estimated pre-legislation but after the first full year of complete statistics post-legislation, the total number of induced abortions was only 6,676. People who feel the need to keep the life of the baby alive are known as prolife believers. They want to succeed in having the choice for an abortion to be eliminated. Abortions should be illegal because it is considered murder, the poor cannot afford to give the child the right care both in and out the hospital and it is detrimental to the women's health.

Answer 1

The into should grab the readers focus. It has a abrupt beginning that is confusing. Try asking a question or making a bold statement then transitioning into the fact. The ending is great because you are showing your three key points just try changing the beginning to be smoother.