Question

Can you check this text please?

Smith’s speech was very inspiring to me because she described these stories very well with no background media. The significant points for me were, belonging and transcendence. It was just something that stood out to me because many people do not notice what you communicate with these little things for example: looking at your phone when talking to someone or rejecting help when someone offers it can make people feel unwanted or even hurt. Transcendence was first a bit difficult to understand at first, but I think it is there to decrease ego and to show that there is more than just oneself. Emily Smith is a very inspiring woman, and I was surprised when I saw she is from Switzerland, not sure why. But overall, this TED talk was not so much my thing.

Answer 1

I think you can remove all the extra words to sound more sophisticated

also remove the personal pronouns. All of these examples make you sound childish and not official.

Step-by-step explanation:

other than that this writing is very good!

keep on rocking!