Question

Good authors choose their words very carefully. Take a few minutes to write a short paragraph describing an experience you have recently had. Pick a location you went to or an event you attended. Once you have finished, read over what you have written. Now, write a second paragraph. In it, you will repeat the information from the first paragraph, but you will choose your words more carefully. Ask yourself questions like: What words capture this image exactly? What is the best word to convey how something looked, or how I felt? Take more time with the second paragraph. Your response should be at least 150 words in total.

Answer 1

FIRST PARAGRAPH: I took a stroll through The park where I saw squirrels eating nuts and some squirrels saving them for later. As I walked a little further I looked up at the clear sky, I was happy today was another one of those hot days like usual. I turned around as I heard a shrill scream of a little girl I quickly snapped my head only to realize her scream of excitement. The ice cream man was there, I guess it was another one of those hot days for some.

Explanation:

SECOND PARAGRAPH: I took a stroll through the park like usual, taking my time to admire the scenery I noticed a couple of squirrels behind a tree. Intrigued I crept closer only to find myself staring at two little rodents. On of which was eating his nuts stuffing them all around his mouth. The other one however, was saving his nuts for later. This really intrigued me as I came to realize even such small creatures are able to have an extensive thought process to understand how rationing works. I smiled and kept walking as the cool air shifted past my face at every step. I looked up to admire the clear blue sky where I saw not a cloud in sight. For a moment feeling like time had stopped and it was just me and the sound of the trees brushing up against each other. A shrill scream snapped me back to my senses, I quickly turned all the more concerned wondering how this day could be so unfit for someone? A little girl walking up to the ice cream truck jumping up and down and moving side to side let out another shrill scream, I smiled and laughed. I guess it was another one of those hot days after all.