Question

Life is like a mountain. at birth you're in the valley you have every thing you could want and need but as you grow up you need to make your way up the mountain. You need to keep climbing no matter what, you must get over the pain, sadness, etc. but once you get to the top you get an amazing view of the land, this makes you relies all the sad, happy, lonely, painful times were worth it. once you reach the top you can make your way down, you can retire and watch your family grow. on the way down you know once you get to the bottom its the end and after all the memories you have made you know you're ready to fall, so you say goodbye to the new generation and jump, you then become an angle and watch everyone you love to climb higher and higher up the mountain.....

i wrote this for my English class, the assignment was to right something for someone who my not understand the topic your weighting about. so I chose the topic of..life because I have a lot of friends who want to end there life and I have tried to tell them many times its not worth it and I thought maybe weighting this could help them realize there life is worth living...........all I'm really asking is could you tell me if its good or if I need to fix some stuff...

Answer 1

It's very beautiful and passionate!

Tips:

-you put "once you get to the top" twice so try changing or deleting the second one.

-some common grammar mistakes (capitalize, correct spots for commas/periods, etc).

-try not to use "etc" in your writing.

-you spelled "realize" as relies

Other than those the story was good!! :)