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19 votes
19 votes
I need to complete writing about the Claim, evidence and reasoning paragraph to the book Dress coded

*I already done the summary

I need to complete writing about the Claim, evidence and reasoning paragraph to the-example-1
User Rocco The Taco
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2.9k points

1 Answer

10 votes
10 votes

Answer: Great summary! I have a little feedback for you, about your Grammar I mean.

"However, there is a secondary story that develops and is just as equally important in my opinion illegal use and sales of vaping products." You could change the text to instead read

"However, there is a secondary story that develops and is just as equally important in my opinion, as illegal use and sales of vaping products." Or, if you're going for shorter sentences you could say,

"However, there is a secondary story that develops. And, is just as equally important in my opinion, as illegal use and sales of vaping products." You see how that reads a little better?

"On the other hand molly also have to deal with her brothers,Danny's is becoming addicted to vaping and gets into a lot of trouble for selling to middle school students." You could change the text to instead read,

"On the other hand, Molly also has to deal with her brother, Danny, becoming addicted to vaping, and gets into a lot of trouble for selling to middle school students." Or instead of being one big sentence you could say,

"On the other hand, Molly also has to deal with her brother. Danny is becoming addicted to vaping. Danny also gets into a lot of trouble selling to middle school students." Or,

"On the other hand, Molly also has to deal with her brother, Danny, becoming addicted to vaping. Danny gets into a lot of trouble for selling to middle school students."

Now, I don't think middle schoolers are vaping, but I get the point you are trying to make.

User Syreeta
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3.1k points