The correct answer to this open question is the following.
Although you do not specify the travel destination you chose for your pitch, we can help you commenting different ideas so you can adapt them to your answer.
This would be the idea of the feedback.
My older brother told me the following things to improve my presentation.
Regarding writing(the brochure), I should use shorter sentences to transmit a more specific idea of the place to visit. He said that I spent too many lines writing about historical fats of the place, instead of fusing on the touristic attractions.
He said these ideas could be translated to my pitch because are similar. First, he told me that I should give a shorter introduction to focus on the tourist attractions. He said that introduction should take a couple of ideas and go directly to the beautiful places that attract tourists.
As my target audience was college students, he said that I should highlight the places that could cause more interest in this segmentation.
The last piece of advice he gave was to add more visuals to make the presentation more attractive. He said that many images could better attract the attention of the audience.
So what I did to rework my pitch based on the feedback was to rewrite the introduction, share some historic facts of the place, including fun facts, and then going directly to the tourist sites, restaurants, beaches, and nightlife, I discarded archeological sites and museums because that is not really what college students want to visit. I stay with the beaches, waterparks, and adventure sports. I finally add more pictures and a video clip at the end of my presentation.