Answer:
Why is it so hard to find true friends these days?
Irem,
For most people in this world, the number of true/sincere friends is a small one. Most people can count their good/sincere friends on only one hand and even then they may not be able to count 5 fingers.
It is difficult to have good friends and to maintain friendships throughout life for various reasons:
Sometimes we rush in making friendships. We can be too hasty in trusting people. If we slow down, we will be able to pay better to attention to red flags that we see in a person.
Our own insecurities may lead us to desperately want a friend, even if that friend may not be the best or healthiest person for us.
Our friends have insecurities of their own. They may have their jealousies and other inner demons that can impact the way that they see us, the way that they interpret our words/actions, etc.
Sometimes friends outgrow each other for various reasons. Maybe they take different paths in life or have very little in common. Maybe they are in different mindsets, have different priorities, different goals, different interests, and no longer feel the same connection with each that they once used to.
It can also be about perspective. The thing is……most of us tend to think that our own perspective is the correct one and it might not be. For example, let’s say that a friend wants you to do her a favor that has the potential to put you at a serious risk. You politely refuse and offer to help her in another manner that is more easier for you. But your friend gets angry because she feels betrayed by you. In her eyes, you are now a bad friend. She has now conveniently forgotten all the times you have helped/supported her in the past and is not guilt-tripping you for this one favor that you politely refused to do for her. Does that make you a bad friend? Not necessarily. But in her eyes you might be bad. So, it also depends on the perspective. Sometimes we might think that someone is a bad friend and it could be because our ego might be preventing us from seeing their point of view and respecting their boundaries.
Sometimes we might expect too much from our friends and they might expect too much from us. Friends are not perfect. Even our own parents will not and cannot fulfill our every wish every single time and neither will people in the other “lesser relationships” that we have.
With all relationships we have to pick an choose our battles and let some things go. We can turn everything into a battle that has to be fought because it will get exhausting. When we and our friends can’t let some things slide and perceive everything as an offense, then that can put a strain on a friendship.
This is a strange reason to include in the list. But here goes. Overtime I became distant toward a friend that I was once very close to in high school. She was (and still is) very sweet. But it turned me off that she would lie about petty things. Really trivial stuff. You know how some female friends can’t tell you things like where they got their eyebrows threaded, where they got their nose pierced….because ….I dunno….maybe they don’t want you to have those things…and they treat it as a matter of secrecy. Like why? What is the big deal. You’re not asking about salary, you’re not asking something personal. But they would either prefer to give you a vague answer, or tell you something false that sends you on a wild goose chase. Again, it’s not the biggest betrayal or offense…..but little things like this can add up over time and turn you off