Question

Does this look good????

The people Zinc

Written by: Ava.N
Characters by: Ava. N


One of the most desolate days of Zinc’s was in 2000 on Friday, Jan 1. It was a new year’s day, everybody was having fun, running around playing, and singing. The Zinc always invited people they came into their village. The people of Zink were the nicest and smartest of the village. They didn't even know what was going to happen next when they invited Zandar. Zandar the ruler of kings. He wore a black robe, and went straight to the church on Friday, Jan 1. I was there. I knew what he looked liked and I didnt like him at first.

Napkin followed to the church, trying to stay behind him but not too close but not too far. He took off his robe, then some weird muscler cats came out of nowhere.

“Man those are some big cat’s, I wonder if they're just here to worship their gods or something.” Napkin whispered.

“Is the ship here yet?” Zandar mumbled

“Yes my king.” The minion bowed his head in approval, to the king.

A starved cat wobbled up the stairs with bloat pink eyes.

“My king may you spray us some food.” The starving swollen cat whimpered.

“My people are bringing some food right now and it's filled with crates of bread and fish. Tell all your friends to come over and get some bread and fish. The more friends you bring the more bread and fish you get.” Znadar said in a happy tone.

“Yes my lord! I shall hurry off and get all my family and friends.” The starving cat, not looking starving anymore, ran off behind an open alley.

“I can see the crates from here, you may go get more cat’s.” Zandar hesitated. “For our feast.”

A few minutes later, a large number of boxes, and crates were everywhere around the church. I never smelled like fish or bread anywhere, it was mostly smelled like powder. Napkin snuck behind the church getting to one of the boxes. The smells stinged his nose, making him almost sneeze. He tried all his strength to open one of the boxes.

“AHH!” Napkin screamed.

“What was that!” Zandar whispered, biting his lip hard.

“Probably just some kids chasing each other.” One of the minions said.

Napkin ran across the church, almost rolling over on his back.

“HE HAS GUNS!” Napkin screamed.

It felt like the whole village turned quiet for one second. Zandar let his claws, gripping them to the church, almost breaking the stone. His eyes were furious.

“Sorry for my little brother, he just had to buy milk today!” Africa apologized
“I'm telling the truth! Please listen to me! You'll all die!” Napkin was trying to struggle to get out of his brother’s grip.
Zandar smiled evilly at Npakin, being pulled away by his brother. Napkin could not hear what Zandar was saying to his Minions but...

“Happy New year!” Zandar laughed.

The pulling of Napkin’s brother stopped. Napkin ran as fast as he could, seeing bodys drop left and right of him. Hearing bullet guns drop He stopped pushing the dirt and gravel in the air, running back to his brother.
“No!” Napkin yelled. Preshing his head against the dead body of his brother. He felt pain in his head and in his stomach. He rolled over hitting the gravel outside making his nose bleed. Zander's hand unleashed his claws in the air. Swinging down, if flet slow in Napkin’s brain. He rolled over and ran as fast as he could. Getting from under Zandar.

“Everyone I know is dead, everyone I talked to is dead, EVERYONE..” Napkin thought in his head tears rolling out of his eyes running away from the church. “Anywhere with him, ANYWHERE!”

Chapter 1: The Invitation

Answer 1

Wow. That was very detailed and thorough. It does look very good and professional. The only thing I would have changed, though would be the fact that January 1st is incorrect.

"He wore a black robe, and went straight to the church on Friday, Jan 1."

Instead, you should put it as:

"He wore a black robe, and went straight to the church on Friday, the first of January."