Question

Please revise this!

I believe that using controlled wild fires is a dangerous and destructive way of trying to protect wild areas, and here are my reasons why. First off, After the fire goes out, precipitation can cause the ash and soil from the event to begin washing downward triggering landslides, mudslides, and other forms of erosion, creating an unsafe environment for both people and wild life.



Secondly , forest fires under control can still cause other structures and surrounding areas to burn. For example, A 2000 fire set by U.S. Park Service officials at Bandelier National Monument in New Mexico raced through the community of Los Alamos to consume over 400 homes. I personally don't feel that setting a forest on fire just for it to cause major devastation is the right way to go about caring for a forest.



Third off, Forest fires are an extremely expensive experience, even when set for a positive reason. The estimated cost of the Camp Fire in 2018 was $16.5 billion, making it the most destructive wildfire in the history of the state. It was also the deadliest event of its type since the 1918 Cloquet fire in the U.S. and one of the worst fires ever suffered in world history. Over $4 billion in losses were uninsured. That outcome is only one cost to consider.



And lastly, Controlled forest fires can devastate the ecosystem. When forest fires go out of control, they have the potential to eradicate the forests ecosystem. This can adversely impact the animals, insects, soil, and water in the area. The water can possibly even become polluted from the smoke and ash, rendering it unsafe for marine life. and without those vital fish, there are fewer food options for the surrounding animals.



So all in all, I believe that though controlled wild fires may have some useful attributes, they are very dangerous and unpredictable, and I feel that they should find alternative solutions to protecting and caring for our forests and wild life.



resources :



https://connectusfund.org/17-biggest-pros-and-cons-of-controlled-forest-fires



https://healthresearchfunding.org/pros-cons-forest-fires/

Answer 1

Hello!

So let's start with paragraph 1.

You don't want to use "I believe or I feel" in an essay. You want to start strong. For example, you want to set the Context in a general way. (1-2 sentences). So you could somehow say, this is a controversial issue. You want to state the Importance. (2-3 sentences) You want to explain why the topic is important or why your reader/s should care about this issue. Then you want to state your Thesis. (1 sentence) You could easily say, Using controlled wildfires is a dangerous and destructive way to try to protect wild areas because... (Your three reasons.) That's that for paragraph 1.

Onto paragraph 2.

You want to start THIS paragraph with a transitional phrase. For example, first off. You want to introduce your first reason. (1 sentence) Then you want to cite and explain. (2 sentences) You want to do this so you can defend your argument. Then cite and explain again. (2 sentences) This is so you have two pieces of evidence to back up your reasoning. Then you want to conclude. But, when you conclude you want to use words such as, to conclude and thus. You also want to introduce your next reasoning. For example, Thus, using controlled wildfires is a dangerous and destructive way because ... but also because... Do you get what I'm saying? Anyway, You also want to use academic language. For example, you need to search for another word for help. You could easily search up, "another way to say help." MAKE SURE TO USE CREDIBLE SOURCES AND SEARCH UP WHO THE PERSON IS. You want to make sure the person writing this is credible. So you can say, A graduate of... with a masters degree of..., Jenny Green stated...

Onto paragraph 3.

For this one, you want to do the exact same thing as said in paragraph 2. You want to start with a transitional phrase, for example, additionally. You then want to introduce, cite, explain, cite, explain, then conclude. You want to go along with your thesis statement. You can end with thus or to conclude or to sum up. (make sure to introduce your next topic) MAKE SURE TO USE CREDIBLE SOURCES AND SEARCH UP WHO THE PERSON IS. You want to make sure the person writing this is credible. So you can say, A graduate of... with a masters degree of..., Jenny Green stated...

Paragraph 4.

Same thing as mentioned in the last 2 paragraphs. You want to use academic language and transitional phrases. For this one, you could start by using, Lastly or finally. This one you don't have to introduce your next topic since this is your last reason. MAKE SURE TO USE CREDIBLE SOURCES AND SEARCH UP WHO THE PERSON IS. You want to make sure the person writing this is credible. So you can say, A graduate of... with a masters degree of..., Jenny Green stated...

Lastly, paragraph 5.

For this one, you want to restate your topic and why it is important. (1 sentence). In a more concise way than your intro. You could start by using the phrase, All in all, ... You want to then state your three reasons. Keep it short and concise. (1 sentence) Then if you would like, look for a quote to go along with your paragraph, Then make sure you add another sentence to add context.

I hope this helps! If u have any other questions or concerns, feel free to reach out. Have a great day! :)