Question

Can someone revise my essay? It's about why culture identity is important or is not important, I chose it is important. We have to write 7 paragraphs and I've labeled them.

Cultural Identity Essay

Hook- Culture is persistent in everyone's daily life, without it we wouldn't be who we are today. Americans wouldn’t have their crazy stereotypes, and the world would just be grey.

Context- Your cultural identity is a critical piece of your personal identity and the world. Your personal well being contributes to culture and the world's well being also contributes to culture. Learning about culture can be very beneficial to everyone, and show how important culture really is to your life.

Thesis- Cultural identity is important because it shapes people's lives and it has influenced some of the world's largest industries in modern day. Culture can be something you learn from, and is educational.

Paragraph 1- In order to be part of a social group you need to have some type of culture whether it be music, fashion, food, etc. Cultural Identity is a characteristic of both an individual and a social group with members sharing the same cultural identity. Culture is all the things that make up a certain way of life. While some may believe culture isn’t important or doesn't matter, there is evidence to suggest quite the opposite “Culture contributes to people's feeling of belongingness (Chavez 2).”

Paragraph 2- Culture can be important to students in a classroom, it teaches about how important it can be to your own identity. Teaching about culture identity in the classroom can encourage trust and build stronger relationships, it also creates a sense of excitement in classrooms. Learning about culture is very beneficial to students' future lives and teaches the contexts of life. According to the culture wheel, “Teaching about culture exposes students to various cultural and social groups, preparing students to be better people in their communities (Gempler).”

Paragraph 3- Culture widely impacts the industries we have today. It impacts how employees are managed, and can also impact the market, how things are sold, made, and distributed. Big influencers and celebrities impact industry just with culture, and how customers can compel it as well. Culture identity is important to our industries and business markets because it drives people’s behavior, innovation, and customer service “We influence how industries use culture to make money (Chavez 3).”

Conclusion- Due to culture we are able to live in the society we are in today. Many things are influenced by culture which shapes us and our world.

Importance- It’s important because it is a very big contributor to people's well-being. Identifying with a certain culture makes people have a certain sense of belonging and security. Everyone should be able to be open with their own cultural identity and there should be cultural diversity.

Zinger- Culture occurs in our daily lives and is everywhere you look, otherwise all you’d see is dullness.

Answer 1

This is very good! I just think you should elaborate more on your textual evidence.

And I think "While some may believe culture isn’t important or doesn't matter, there is evidence to suggest quite the opposite “Culture contributes to people's feeling of belongingness (Chavez 2).” should be changed to:

While some may believe culture isn’t important or doesn't matter, there is evidence to suggest quite the opposite. “Culture contributes to people's feeling of belongingness" (Chavez 2). [Insert elaboration of this quote and how it suggest the obvious]

When quoting in MLA format, it should be written like this:

"Stay away from my juice" (Smith 14).

Not like this:

"Stay away from my juice (Smith 14)."