Question

Can someone give me advice on my poem? It's worth a big chunk of my grade.

I’d kill to be your mind because it’s the centre of your thoughts
Thoughts that I know no matter how hard I try, I will never be in
I’d kill to be your tears, though I’d hate to see you cry
So I could be born in your eyes, caress your cheek, and die on your lips
I’d kill to be in your dreams because you always appear in mine
Kissing me until I wake up, arms wrapped around my pillow

Answer 1

Answer: i love poetry and your was good i would only change a few tiny things around.

id kill to be in your mind because its the centre of your thoughts and deepest secrets

thoughts i will never be in, and secrets i will never know

id kill to be your tears so i could be born in your eye, caress you cheek, and die on your lips

id kill to be in your dreams because you haunt me in mine

you kiss my eyelids and whisper sweet nothings in my ear until the rising sun rips you away

thats just what i would do but yours is pretty good as is if you dont like mine