Question

The purpose of this exercise is to see the difference between behaviors and interpretations. Understanding this difference can help you think more accurately about what other people say and do. In turn, this thinking skill can help you prevent and resolve conflict.

A behavior is a physical action that we can directly observe. When we describe behaviors, we're stating facts. In contrast, an interpretation is a statement of opinion about what a behavior means.
The following lists two behaviors and two different ways to interpret each behavior:
Behavior: Someone enters a classroom 10 minutes after a lecture starts.
Interpretation 1: "She's too irresponsible to getto a lecture on time.'
Interpretation 2: "She's normally on time; maybe her car broke down at the last minute.' Behavior: Someone gets up during a conversation and runs out of the room.
Interpretation 1: "He ran out of the room because he was so angry with me."
Interpretation 2: "Maybe he left the room suddenly because he got a text message about an emergency."
In both cases, Interpretation #1 places blame and invites a argument. Interpretation #2 avoids blame and invites further conversation rather than argument. Interpretation # 1 increases conflict, whereas Interpretation #2 decreases conflict.

1. With this distinction in mind, think of a recent situation when you were in conflict with someone. Brainstorm a list of any behaviors that were involved in this conflict. List each behavior separately and then include two ways to interpret each behavior. Finally, include a plus sign (+) next to any interpretation that could increase conflict and a minus sign (-) next to any interpretation that could decrease conflict.

Answer 1

Behavior: Someone cancels plans with you last minute.

Interpretation 1: "They don't care about me or my time."

Interpretation 2: "Maybe something urgent came up that they couldn't avoid."

Interpretation 2 could decrease conflict by giving the benefit of the doubt and not assuming negative intentions.

Behavior: Someone speaks loudly during a meeting.

Interpretation 1: "They are so rude and disrespectful."

Interpretation 2: "Maybe they are hard of hearing and don't realize how loud they are."

Interpretation 1 could increase conflict by using blame and assumptions.

Interpretation 2 could decrease conflict by offering a possible explanation and avoiding negative judgments.