Answer:
Firstly, you have a clear thesis statement that states your stance on the issue. However, you could strengthen your argument by providing more specific examples and evidence to support your claims. For instance, you could cite research studies that have shown the negative effects of too much homework on students' mental health and academic performance.
Secondly, you mention that homework can help students develop important skills like time management and responsibility. While this is true, you could also address how too much homework can actually hinder these skills. For instance, when students have too much homework, they may not have enough time to engage in activities that help them develop time management and responsibility, such as pursuing hobbies, spending time with family and friends, or taking care of themselves.
Finally, you could address potential counterarguments to your position, such as the argument that more homework leads to better academic performance. You could counter this argument by pointing to studies that have shown that the quality, rather than the quantity, of homework is what matters most for academic success.
Overall, by providing more specific examples and evidence, addressing potential counterarguments, and expanding on your argument, you can make your persuasion essay more convincing and effective.