Question

Please read the little saying on the bottom and give your thoughts on it, Worth 100 points!

I just want to hear your thoughts on what I wrote and how you think I can improve.


~she smiles, she laughs, but most of all she cries. She hides it all, she keeps all of it bottle up until it spills and when it does she watches it all, she sits and enjoys the comfort of being free even if it’s only for a couple minutes. The relief of all her pain being dumped out until she was to clean all of it up. The way her face lights up in relief, her heart racing.~

~A year ago she was caught up in it all. The storm throwing her and catching her, the decisions she made just to be happy. She wanted to leave it all just to be accepted to be loved. But instead it broke, she knew just how fragile it all was, like a little glass vase, a child told not to touch it. But in the end the child dropped it, the vase shattering. Her life shattering, everything she thought she wanted or at least told herself she wanted it. But now she’s free, the vase stronger than before and the child gone. The fears of it dropping and shattering are still there but she protects the vase, her life, her dreams, her everything, with all her strength. She will never let go until she is told it’s over but even then she’ll hold on.~

Answer 1

The piece you've written is an emotive and introspective reflection on the internal struggles and personal growth of the subject.

However, I would suggest a few minor changes to improve the clarity and flow of the piece:

• Change "dumped out" to "emptied out" for better clarity.

• Consider breaking up the longer paragraphs into shorter ones for easier readability.

• Replace "the child gone" with "the child nowhere to be found" to make the meaning clearer.

Overall, your writing is good, and the emotions are conveyed effectively. Well done!

Answer 2

Answer: this was actually really good. I love the impact it had on me. I also enjoyed how she overcame those obstacles

Step-by-step explanation: