Final answer:
The student should revise the essay by adopting formal language to appropriately reflect the significance of the Declaration of Independence and its rootedness in Enlightenment principles.
Step-by-step explanation:
The best way for the student to revise the essay is to replace informal language with formal language. In academic writing, especially concerning documents of historical significance such as the Declaration of Independence, a formal tone conveys the gravity and importance of the subject matter. Thomas Jefferson's writing was influenced by Enlightenment thinkers like John Locke, emphasizing natural rights and the social contract, and was instrumental in articulating the colonies' reasons for separation from Britain; hence, the language used to discuss it should reflect its profound impact.